


Breathe With Me

by uirtus



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Panic Attacks, sensory issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-14 14:06:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29419845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uirtus/pseuds/uirtus
Summary: Akaashi knows something is wrong. No matter what they did, no one can get Bokuto out of his slump. After venturing off to find Bokuto after he excused himself from the game, he found out why.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Comments: 2
Kudos: 46





	Breathe With Me

**Author's Note:**

> TW: SELF HARM, PANIC ATTACKS, sensory issues. Please do not read if you are sensitive to this stuff. I'll put an "*" before anything that could possibly be triggering.

Akaashi knew something was wrong. No matter what they did, no one could get Bokuto out of his slump. Yes it was normal for him to hit a wall during a game sometimes but it’s never been this bad. No matter what they told him, he just wouldn’t snap out of it. 

Half way through the second set the coach benched Bokuto for the rest of the game and what would have been his normal whining was replaced by eerie silence.

Akaashi watched from the court as Bokuto sat quietly on the bench, staring at the floor and picking at the hem of his knee pads. This wasn’t normal and it was putting Akaashi on edge. 

Maybe Bokuto was just tired, maybe he didn’t do well on the test Akaashi had helped him study so hard for. Akaashi’s mind was thrumming, trying to figure out what was going on. Maybe he should asked to be subbed out, go and try to talk to Bokuto. He didn’t know what to do or what was wrong and it was driving him mad. 

Akaashi turned around to see Bokuto’s quickened pace as he fled the gym and into the hallway. Minutes later, the coach called timeout. “Akaashi, you’re subbed for now. Anahori, you’re in for setter,” Pulling Akaashi aside by the arm he spoke quietly, “Can you go track down Bokuto? I think he said he’ll be in the bathroom if we needed him.” 

Akaashi gave a stiff nod along with a shallow bow before he jogged out the door and into the hallway to find Bokuto. Striding down the hallway quickly, he stopped outside the bathroom and turned into the doorway. “Bokuto-san? Are you in here?” His voice echoed softly through the bathroom as he turned and saw Bokuto. 

* 

Bokuto was seated on the ground, his knees were hugged tightly against his chest with his head down, staring at his shoes. His knee pads were tugged down to his ankles and paper towels were littering the floor around him. 

Bokuto looked up, his golden eyes were rimmed with red as he gave Akaashi a shaky smile. “Hi ‘Kaashi.” His quiet voice shook, it was small and tugged on Akaashi’s heart. Bokuto dropped his head back down onto his knees, almost like he was scared to meet Akaashi’s eyes for too long. 

Akaashi looked around, observing the situation a little more carefully. Dropping onto the balls of his feet he picked up one of the many paper towels on the floor, noticing the red stains seeped into them. “Bokuto-san, are you bleeding?” He kept his voice as calm and gentle as possible, trying to not let his worry show through.

Bokuto didn’t even look up to answer, he hesitated. “Yeah, but it’s no big deal Akaashi. I’m alright,” His voice lacked it’s normal cheer as he spoke.

Akaashi sat down across from Bokuto. “Can I see?” His voice was apparently laced with too much concern, Bokuto pulled his knees up tighter to his chest and shook his head lightly. 

Akaashi’s lips pinched into a small frown as he took a deep breath. “Please?” He knew if Bokuto looked up right now he would see Akaashi’s almost begging expression.

Bokuto sat there for a moment, still as a rock and Akaashi’s concern only grew with his stillness until eventually Bokuto’s legs started to slide out slowly. 

Akaashi slowly looked down and saw Bokuto’s thighs, laced with red slashes, thin trickles of blood ran down the sides of his thighs. His head hung low, his shoulders were hunched in on himself and Bokuto looked a lot… smaller, than usual. 

A small gasp escaped Akaashi’s lips as he stared in shock. This is not what he expected to find when he went looking for Bokuto and even though it was horrible, Akaashi was somewhat glad because now he knew and now he could help. 

Akaashi jumped off of the floor the moment he snapped out of his head and pumped some paper towels from the dispenser, running them under cool water. Turning back around he sat between Bokuto’s legs and spoke to him softly. “I’m just going to clean them up, okay?” Bokuto nodded without removing his gaze from the floor. Akaashi placed a delicate hand onto his knee and began to clean the blood from the sides of his legs as carefully as he could. 

After a few moments Bokuto spoke, his voice thin and shaking, “Akaashi I don’t want to play anymore.” He was shaking his head lightly when Akaashi looked up at him, utterly shocked.

“That’s alright Bokuto-san, you don’t have to,” Akaashi reassured him. His gaze wandered downwards and saw Bokuto’s hands shaking as he clutched onto his shorts. “Do you want to tell me about it? It’s okay if you don’t want to.” Akaashi didn’t want to pressure him into telling him anything.

Bokuto hesitated then nodded slowly, still not meeting Akaashi’s eyes. “I don’t like it when the gym gets that loud, it makes me want to hide. And I don’t like these knee pads, they hurt too much.” 

His eyes flickered up and meet Akaashi’s eyes for a brief moment but it was long enough for Akaashi to see the hurt behind them. 

“Why does it make you want to run away?” Akaashi prodded gently, avoiding the knee pad subject for another time, continuing to clean the blood from what had to be hundreds of tiny cuts.

He watched Bokuto take a deep breath before he answered. “It fills my head and I can’t drown it out enough for me to concentrate,” His voice started to strain with panic, “And then everything gets to be too much and I just need to get out-” He was cut off by his fast breathing and Akaashi watched as Bokuto’s hands started to shake more violently and his eyes filled with panic. 

The paper towel dropped from his palm as he took Bokuto’s hands in his own and pulled them to his chest. He watched Bokuto's flighty gaze as he spoke calmly and crealy. “Koutarou, look at me,” Bokuto’s golden eyes locked onto him and Akaashi saw tears forming in the corners. 

“Breathe with me, in and out. It’s easy, see?” Akaashi took a deep breath and let it go as Bokuto followed his action. “Good. Now tell me five things you can see.” 

Bokuto looked around for a second before answering. “The sink, the mirror. The paper towels, garbage can, you,” His voice was shaking as he answered but his eyes locked back onto Akaashi the moment he said five things. 

Akaashi nodded and pressed on. “Yes, now tell me four things you can feel.” His grip tightened on Bokuto’s hands. 

“My clothes, the tiling, my shoes,” He pressed his hands forwards and onto Akaashi’s chest. “Your heart beat.”

Akaashi ignored how his face heated up and continued. “Three things you can hear.”

Bokuto paused and listened, his breath starting to ease. “I can hear the gym, voices and the crowd.” At the mention of the crowd, a little more panic seeped into his eyes.

Akaashi squeezed his hands tighter as he spoke. “Hey, focus right here. Tell me two things you can smell.”

“Soap and sweat.”

“One more, tell me one thing you can taste.”

Bokuto stared at him for a moment, his eyes falling down to Akaashi’s lips then snapped them back up to his eyes. “Chapstick.” The panic started to retreat from his eyes and his breath came a little easier now. 

Akaashi nodded and smiled gently. “You did so good, now just breathe okay?” And Bokuto nodded as air passed over his lips, never taking his eyes off of Akaashi. His grip on Bokuto’s hands loosened but Bokuto his right where they were. 

A tiny smile formed at the edges of Bokuto’s mouth even though tears were slipping out of his eyes. “Thank you,” His whisper was quiet. 

Akaashi’s hand reached towards his face, dropping Bokuto's hands into his lap and used his thumb swiping away any and all tears that fell from his eyes. “Of course,” He returned his small smile with one of his own. “I’m not going back until you're ready, Bokuto-san.”

Bokuto nodded and swallowed stiffly as he glanced towards the bathroom door. Akaashi moved to sit down next to him and once he was settled he felt Bokuto’s head drop down onto his shoulder. Akaashi wrapped his arm around his neck and ran his steady fingers through Bokuto’s hair. 

His voice came out quiet, it was such a large contrast to his normal volume. “Are you gonna make me talk about-?” Bokuto gestured towards his thighs, to the cuts Akaashi had almost forgotten they were there. 

Akaashi shook his head slowly. “Not right now, but later yes.” His fingers, still combing gently through Bokuto’s hair.

He felt him nod underneath his head and sighed. Bokuto’s face nestled a little closer into Akaashi’s shoulder. “Thank you,” He whispered, breath tickling Akaashi’s neck. 

Turning his head, Akaashi dared to press a small kiss to Bokuto’s forehead and felt him hum in content. So they sat like that until long after the cheers from the stadium had died and Bokuto’s breath was even as it could be. 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed reading. I almost never see Bokuto as the angsty one even though he has so much potential for some major angst. Even though this is no where near true angst levels.


End file.
